Think back to when you started planning to own your own business or become the main boss in your company. I am sure you had thoughts of arriving or completing your dream. Did you ever think about how lonely you may be? Probably not because you're at the top, and things must be excellent. But think about your growth along the way; this is when you had more friends, work cohorts, or school cohorts. We worked as teams, learned together, and were open and vulnerable; this allowed us to be ourselves. But as we begin to reach the top, the number of people we work with is decreasing. If we own a business, we tend to hold it close to our chest and not let that many people in, and loneliness can come in. Let's dig into why it is lonley at the top.
Owners and leaders have much to deal with; most significant decisions come from the top. I have felt this as I have climbed the ladder, and it is hard not to notice the change. I remember becoming a sales manager and having a new responsibility to make sure the team was growing sales and making better margins while taking care of the customers. Being the boss occasionally requires a personal improvement plan with an associate or some guidance. As I grew into this role, I could feel the sense of ownership I was taking on. Then, one night, I was asked to go to a party at someone's house; I thought hanging out with the other sales team would be fun. But the party started to get a little crazy, and I quickly realized that I was not in the place I should be. How could I genuinely lead the team if I was just one of the guys? I could see a need to separate as the leader and be more than a party buddy—the start of the separation of leaders.
I hope you can see where this is going. Being a leader doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with people from work; it just means there should be a different example level. I do partake of a bit of alcohol from time to time, but I still feel I have to remain professional in the work arena. Some may find this odd, but losing control in a work environment is not a very professional act. A leader should be looked at as someone in control, someone to look up to, and not the drunk of the party or someone with low standards in their personal life.
As you can see, this may cause some loneliness as we reach these levels. But we need to be careful not to lose ourselves to our work. We still need to enjoy life and not just be focused on work all the time. That work-life balance is essential. We also need people to talk to and bounce ideas off of. We can have those in our business who can fill this gap, but sometimes, the ideas may not be suitable for others in the company. Think about being the owner, and you are wondering if you should sell the company or merge with another. These topics may not be the best to discuss with others within your business. These situations are where a coach can be a great resource. The emotional aspect is gone, the biased thoughts are not there, and it may give you someone with no agenda can help you work through your thoughts. You don’t have to be alone in your thinking.
I am at a spot in my life where I am looking to step out of my 35-year career and do something different that is my own, to step into this world of coaching and mentoring. Do you think I can have this discussion with my people at work? Not at all? At the time, I felt very alone in this planning. When do I make the change? Does it fit my family plan? Am I prepared to leave a secure job? A million thoughts can go through your head, and who do you share these thoughts with? Sometimes, we need someone with no skin in the game, no biased thoughts, and only an open and honest person to provide feedback. Sometimes, we have decisions that are hard to make, and we need someone who can listen and validate our thoughts but not make decisions for us.
We all need people we can trust, usually a best friend or a close family member. But if the subject is outside of this group, you may need that coach or mentor. Finding someone who has common experience is even better. I have worked through mergers and buyouts; I have a lot of experience in change management, and I feel I could be a great resource to bounce ideas off of. Reach out, and let’s chat!
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